Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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