I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
