it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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