In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm too high and old for this...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
