i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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