is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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