my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
