Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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