she woke up with a sticky ear
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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