i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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