haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
