when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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