Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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