i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
