First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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