I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
