If i come over, it means nothing
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
