You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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