Non-Jews are for practice
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
