He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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