Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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