So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
