Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
