dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
