Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
