shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
