R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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