I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Someone shattered a urinal.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
