Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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