so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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