I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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