She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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