he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
