Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
