Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
