If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
