I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
