In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
