You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
