hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
3 2 1 whiskey
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
