No, you can still breathe under the balls.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
