apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
