I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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