But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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