He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
