omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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