Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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