I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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