My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
