Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
