Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i've created a new STD.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
