all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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