Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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