he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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