i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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