it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
