Swine flu. Run for my life!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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