and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
