Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
