Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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