I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
