We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
