Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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