I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just invented taco cereal.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
