Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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