Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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