Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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