That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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